that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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