I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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