WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
