I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
