Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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