I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
