the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
