I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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