cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
