So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize