suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
