My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
