if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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