He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
