HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he thought i was a dude.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize