sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize