you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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