You can't motorboat a personality
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
whose ass print is on the piano?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
