I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
