I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
