We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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