someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
