Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
