drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
