I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
