Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Someone came in the potted fern
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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