Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
