I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
