he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
