HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize