shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
