someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
