and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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