Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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