Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize