I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
