ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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