when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
