All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
