i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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