I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
