she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
