guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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