Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize