He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
