i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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