Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
