Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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