So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
