I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
