I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
