i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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