I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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