Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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