Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
