Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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