My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
