hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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