True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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