I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
