LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
