My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
