just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You've changed since you got that strap on
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
