we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
