it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
