im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
